On my 18th birthday, I got a banana cream pie in the face.
Bless their hearts, it was funny. But for all practical purposes, I wanted to give you a list of reasons to avoid it if you can.
1. It makes a decent-sized mess
2. It’s super surprising, and if you’re not prepared for it, it catches you off guard
3. If you’re an emotional wreck like I was, it can be sort of embarrassing
4. Depending on how hard your buddy whips it in, it can have lasting effects on the shape and structure of your nose
5. It’s really easy to get whip cream in the back of your nostrils, which hurts much worse than I thought it would
6. If you’re environmentally sensitive, this is definitely not for you – there’s lots of paper towel used in the clean-up
7. Depending on the size of the crowd gathered to engage in the festivities, you may say some pretty goofy things in the moments following the attack
9. After you offend them, you might try to apologize, but you have pie dripping off your face and they won’t be able to see your eyeballs – weird way to give an apology
10. You will probably get a bit of pie on your shirt (and maybe a little on your pants) so be wary of what you’re wearing – old painting T-shirt works good
11. Depending on where your party is, you may wish to take a warm shower to clean up – hopefully you brought a change of clothes
12. If the house you’re showering at has no shampoo, you may have to use bar soap or body wash (it gets the job done though)
13. Facing the person who whipped the pie after the shower could be tough if you’re not super happy with them – try to fake it is a good tactic to avoid friction in your relationship
14. If you don’t like banana cream pie, I would recommend never doing this – that’d be like me getting a pickle pie in the face
15. Pickle pie doesn’t exist (I hope), so if you’d prefer that over banana cream, you’re basically out of luck already
16. If you ever write a post about why people should avoid getting a whip cream pie in the face, it can be tough to come up with 18 practical reasons to avoid it – pick a smaller number
17. In light of 16, there’s probably better topics that could work your creative writing muscle, so picking banana cream pie at 5:30 am has great potential to be a point of regret by 6:00 am
18. If you’re really struggling toward the end of the list you decided to write, the last point might just have to be something you made up just to get you through – do your best to make it compelling
And if life throws a pie in our face, lots of the same things can happen.
We can feel embarrassed, victimized, like hiding, like beating the whip cream out of someone. We can come up with excuses like protecting the environment, or we didn’t realize there was kids around, or we just got this shirt yesterday.
In the end, the pie has been thrown, the cards dealt, and maybe some folks got a laugh out of it. That’s fine.
The only important thing we need to do is own our response and do something about it.
This is probably my only post ever about banana cream pie, so I hope you enjoyed it! What’d you think about the writing structure?